For those of you who have known me for a while you are aware that I have been dealing with joint pain for quite some time.
Chronic pain is exhausting both physically and emotionally. Over the years I have never given up searching for tools to help myself from acupuncture, massage, anti-inflammatory diet recommendations, supplements, herbs, yoga, meditation and energy work.
Nothing has helped me long term.
How is it I can offer these same tools to my clients and they see great results and I haven’t?
I realized, as the pain has been getting worse that it was time to reach out for some deeper help. Because of my belief in Ayurveda I decided to reach out to an another Ayurvedic practitioner. I had to admit that I couldn’t help myself. That has not been easy.
As I sat down in her office I spent the first 5 minutes just crying before I got much out. These were both tears of relief and of feeling deeply humbled by all of this. I was finally sitting with someone who “spoke my language”. When I left 2 hours later I also realized that this was going to be quite a journey towards healing. I reminded myself of what I tell many of my own clients: I didn’t get here in a day and it won’t be resolved in a day either.
When I got home the floodgates opened. For those of you who know me well, I am a glass is half full person. I believe everything happens for a reason. I trust life. And I am an incredibly logical person – to a fault.
I had a huge realization that my way of operating in the world was through logic and reason. Yes – I felt sadness at times but never for long. I didn’t believe in the necessity of diving in. Feel the sadness and move on. Let out the anger and be done with it. Just keep moving forward. Instead I built walls – many of them. I just didn’t realize I was doing that.
I am blessed to have an amazing partner in my life who is able to hold a safe and powerful place for me to feel and as he expressed to me the other day “we have to feel in order to heal”. Maybe, just maybe, all these emotions coming out have been stored all these years in my joints. Only time will tell. We find a way to operate in the world and go along the path until something wakes us up. Now it’s time for these walls to come down which is an incredibly vulnerable place to be.
I know that I learned to build these walls from my mom. I can’t change that but this realization is allowing me to change this for my daughters. I have an opportunity to have a dialogue with them about what I am learning about myself, where I learned it and to allow them to see that there is strength in being vulnerable.
What walls have you built? How thick are those walls?
I would encourage you to reach out and ask for help if you have built any. Whether it is with your partner, a friend you trust, a coach or therapist. We all need support in this world.
Let’s tear down the walls!
Om shanti, shanti, shanti,