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Intense -not Me!

Intense -not me!

Try this – sit very still and begin to relax into your body.  Bring your attention to any smells there may be around you. Pause there. Now pay attention to the flow of your breath.  Pause there. Now bring your awareness to your skin.  Pause there.  Now bring your awareness to just below your skin. What do you notice?  Anything?

Ayurvedically speaking I am Vata/Pita.   My physical body is the Vata aspect of myself.  Pita is my mental.  I can focus with the best of them.  I can set goals and achieve just about anything I set my mind to. Growing up as a competitive swimmer I learned what it meant to work hard. Keep pushing.  Never give up attitude.  I brought that intensity into all aspects of my life then.  My workouts, my work, my marriage and even in the raising of my daughters.

When I found Yoga, it was not a love at first site.  I hurt my back, yoga helped reduce the pain, and as far as I was concerned, when my back was better I was “outta there”!  6 Months later something shifted and I have never looked back.  The impact that the teachings of Yoga have had on my life is immense.  I began to relax more, let go of having to be in control of everything.  I let go of the need to push so hard and compete all the time.  I was feeling more at peace than I ever thought possible.

16 years later I still couldn’t be more grateful for Yoga and all that it has brought to my life, but I find myself, once again, struggling with pain in my back as well as my hips.  This has been going on for quite some time without finding any full time relief.
As I was sitting in my meditation the other day and began to really be still, something told me to take notice of what was going beneath my skin.  Sounds weird I know. But I did.  And what I noticed shocked me!  There still existed an intensity within my being that I thought I had let go of a long time ago!  This awareness has created an all new journey for myself.
As I was sitting with this new information, the words I would use to describe this feeling is a subconscious intensity.  Subtle but definitely there.  I’ve begun to really pay attention to how I am operating on a more subtle level as I move about my day.  I’ve become aware of how this underlying intensity is always there unless I consciously invite it to let go.  My mantra I say to myself throughout the day right now is soften into and dissolve.

When I’m cooking in the kitchen – I take a deep breath, soften into and dissolve.  Food always tastes better.
When I’m out running errands – I take a deep breath, soften into and dissolve.  The errands get done and I’m not as tired.As I am writing this blog – soften into and dissolve.  The words flow with ease.
When I am walking through the house I’m noticing how heavy I walk, always with a sense of determination – soften into and dissolve.  A gentleness comes about me.
When I feel something in my back begin to tighten up – I take a deep breath, soften into and dissolve.  Pain diminishes.

This awareness is a constant practice right now, but I’m noticing that I don’t have to “try so hard” all the time.  I can relax more deeply within myself and allow life to unfold a bit more.  Maybe now I’ll be ready to tap into more of my feminine side and not feel the need to always be working from my masculine to “make” things happen.
That will be my next challenge and I’m up for it! 🙂

Try this out and see what you discover about yourself.  Maybe, like me, you’re not as relaxed as you thought.  Notice it and find the words that help you to let go and create a deeper relaxation within.  Let me know what you discover!




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