One of my favorite shows to listen to is This American Life. Such a great example of the many choices we make every day in our lives like friendships, work, play, intimate relationships etc. People have always fascinated me. I guess that’s why psychology was my major in college!
In a recent episode there was a story about a young girl who ended up in an abusive relationship and it took her 6 years to leave for good. One of the things she shared was that the reason she kept going back was because she didn’t like being alone. She felt being in an abusive relationship was better then not being in one at all. She is one of millions of people who make that same choice every day. Whether the relationship is abusive, boring, someone is cheating or simply feels stagnant, many choose to stay because being on their own seems worse.
Whats happening in our society that makes us so scared to be on our own? We are more connected then ever via our devices yet never in our history have more people reported being lonely.
If we define “alone” I think most of us would agree that it means the lack of an intimate relationship. Yet how many people are in a relationship and still feel alone? What if instead “alone” meant lack of connection with anyone, including ourselves. If we connect more deeply with ourselves are we alone? If we dive into a deep and meaningful relationship with Spirit are we still alone? What creates the feeling of loneliness and how are we trying alleviate it? Is it staying in an unhealthy relationship? Is it immersing ourselves in our work? For some it may be alcohol, drugs or spending hours on social media but never making any real connections. What are our fears of being on our own?
When I observe the few people I know who are at peace with being I noticed a few common traits among them:
1) They are content with who they are. They enjoy being with themselves.
2) They have passion and many interests in their lives and engage with life daily. Whether it’s traveling, connecting with friends, going to yoga classes etc.
3) They have a deep connection to Spirit. They trust that support completely and know they will always be taken care of.
Connecting more deeply with who we are is an important first step and one of the best tools for that is meditation.
Listening to our own hearts, needs and desires while we sit quietly. Learning to listen. Connecting with ourselves is to learn to love ourselves just as we are. No one completes us but us.
Another way is to find someone who has the tools to help us create that connection with Self. There are many great teachers, gurus and/or coaches out there. Reach out and find one that you resonate with. We all need support in our growth in this lifetime.
The best thing of all is that when we become content with who we are then the right relationship shows up to support us, if that’s what we choose! Our society puts a lot of pressure on conforming to what it feels is normal, which in this case means being in a relationship. I feel it’s important to also find acceptance in those that choose to be single and feel complete with that. It’s about what makes us happy, not society.
Om Shanti, shanti, shanti,