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Disappointing Others

Disappointing Others

little girl weeping by the sea. summer vacation by the ocean

     If you read my blog about meltdowns then you know that I have been struggling with creating, editing and loading video.  I was very excited to share videos of my classes, workshops and specialty classes online and have spent the last 2-3 weeks with this.  I finally took a big step back and in the early morning hours before I was completely awake I wrote in my journal. A stream of consciousness.  What came out of that was clarity that this is not the path for me right now.  I was not enjoying it AT ALL.  Nothing about it was fun.  Time to push the pause button.

     I had many of my students very excited about this project and the news, that for now it is on hold, was disappointing.  I was too.  It got me to thinking about how many clients I, and my partner Carmil Surritt (who is a Life Coach) work with people on this exact issue.  Many of us sacrifice our own happiness so we don’t disappoint another.

     Often times when we make choices at least one person will be disappointed. That is where two of the four agreements come into play.  Both when we are doing the disappointing and when we are disappointed.
1. Don’t take things personally.  It’s not about you.  If someone is disappointed in a choice you made it’s not your circus.  We can’t make everyone happy.  You can try if you would like to, however it will wear you down.  The question you should ask yourself is; “Why is it ok to disappoint yourself and not others?”  The Universe doesn’t define your contribution, you do.
If you are disappointed in someone else’s actions, check in and see if it’s because you are taking it personally. Sometimes I know that it’s just a bummer kind of feeling and  you had your hopes up about something- which is then about attachment – a whole other topic!
2. Don’t make assumptions.   When we get disappointed we make assumptions as to why plans changed. Our brain has to come up with a reason when we don’t have all the facts.  Often times we learn the reason and it’s not the one we made up.  Instead, can we find an acceptance of the change and trust it’s the way it was meant to turn out.  Not trusting and staying in disappointment depletes us.

     I’m sure many of you read The Four Agreements years ago and it’s worth reading again.  As we grow and evolve this kind of work is worth revisiting with a new and different perspective then the first time around.

For more information about Carmil and his work please visit his web site:

Peace and Joy,
Sara Valentine and Carmil Surritt





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