I’m about two weeks into a new project I’ve decided to take on with a HUGE learning curve and to be honest, not a place I’m all that comfortable with – yet. Video. Uploading, downloading, editing, compressing, publishing – all of it!
I decided to commit myself this summer to producing video’s of everything from workshops, classes, educational courses, specialty classes etc. But first I have to actually learn to like the camera. Second, how to edit them, then compress them so the file isn’t so large and thirdly how to upload them. Quite an undertaking when all of this is new. I was just beginning to gain a basic understanding of the above when my computer decided to tell me that I have no more memory! After two videos? When I have everything backed up on an external hard drive? Really? Four hours later after being on the phone with a tech guy we figured a few things out but I was utterly exhausted from all of this. Not one step along the way has been smooth. Not a surprise I guess when I finally allowed the tears of frustration flow. I can’t even say it was a tantrum. Just tears of exhaustion more than anything. I’ve never taken on a project that has had so many roadblocks.
As I was melting down in my partners arms all of my shadows reared their ugly head. “It shouldn’t be this hard!” “Maybe the Universe is telling me I’m on the wrong path.” Who I am to put my videos of teaching out there when there are so many great teachers to choose from?” You get it – right? Those inner voices that like to judge and criticize everything. My partner could not have been more supportive in just holding space for me. He didn’t try to fix it but instead just allowed the tears to flow. He knew I would work through it and I had every right to let it out.
I learned a few things from this…First of all, it’s ok to let it all out once in a while. We all know that it’s not healthy to keep it all inside yet there is a bit a of societal pressure to do just that. Especially when, as I Yoga teacher, I stand up in front of class daily sharing the amazing and powerful tools Yoga has to offer off of our mats and yet here I was, crying like a baby. Second of all, we won’t get stuck there. I think that many people are afraid if they allow the tears to start flowing they’ll never stop. Not true. Not only did they stop but it was almost like a clearing that needed to happen. Thirdly, there are times when we need to just take a break and walk away. Why we stick to something for so long that we become exhausted and frustrated is beyond me. Walk away, breath, get outside, meditate…anything but continue to bang our heads up against a wall. Fourthly, there is nothing like a good nights sleep to gain perspective!
At the end of this project I’m sure I will have learned not only a lot about creating video but also a lot about myself too. I look forward to the challenges, the joys and the satisfaction from creating, learning and sharing all that I’m doing. I’m also sure they may be a few more meltdowns along the way but maybe the next time I will remember to take a walk and breath, play with my dog, hug my partner or simply shut it all down for the day and enjoy a good nights sleep!
Health, Joy and Peace,